What We Think Will Make Us Happy & What Actually Does
We have all, at some point, fallen into the trap of the mindset of: “when I’ll get this job… this partner, this promotion, this opportunity…, then I’ll be happy”. And while there is some truth to this statement, it is more easily proven wrong, not only by experience, but also by science.
Things We Think Will Make Us Happy
Oftentimes we attribute the feeling of happiness to things, people and events outside of ourselves. Be that a good, well-paid job, quality material possessions or perhaps a partner that makes us feel a certain way. And while all of the above certainly provides us a boost of joy, confidence, pleasure, happiness and feeling of success - it is short-lived.
You see, the reality that numerous studies point out is the fact that oftentimes what we think will make us happy actually makes us less happy than we anticipated, or the effect of the happiness bliss that these things give us lasts shorter than we imagined.
That is because our brain quickly adapts to the new reality and starts to look for new goals to achieve, raising the bar or simply failing to acknowledge all that already is in our lives.
What Does Actually Make Us Happy?
Research shows that it is not the desired job itself that makes us happy, but rather the people we work with, the projects we engage in and the challenges that help us grow that actually add to our happiness levels. Similarly, it is not the mere presence of certain material wealth or possessions that boost our happiness and well-being, but rather what we do with it. For example, studies show that the positive feelings attached to purshasing a physical product last shorter than the memories and feelings attached to purchasing an experience, such as traveling somewhere.
Additionally it is not the achievement of a life-long dream or goal of being in a relationship or marriage that uplift us and make us happy - it is the small daily efforts, consistent acts of kindness and love and time with people, we care about, that aid our joy and well-being and makes us feel loved, seen and appreciated.
Another thing we value more than any material success, as the studies show, despite us perhaps not noticing it, is time affluence. Having the freedom to decide what we do with our time and who we spend it with just about catalyses our happiness to a whole other level.
And last, but not least, the things that truly make us happy according to research on the matter are healthy practices. Good quality sleep, healthy nutrition, time in nature, exercise we enjoy and moments of mindfulness and stillness all contribute, not only to great physical and mental health, but also to the feelings of joy, fulfillment, happiness and inner peace.
Practices To Support Your Search For Happiness
To help us remember notice all the goodness and abundance already present in our lives, as well as prolong the happiness that comes with new experiences, try incorporating these simple, yet powerful practices in your everyday life.
Savoring. It is a simple act of stepping out of your experience, to review it, and really appreciate it while it is happening. Savoring can help us remember the good stuff in life, while keeping us in the moment and increase the feeling of gratitude. For example, next time you take a sip of your morning cup of coffee, let this moment truly embrace your heart by savoring it.
Gratitude. A regular gratitude practice, whether that is gratitude journaling, or verbalising your gratitude about something or someone, carries numerous benefits both for our mental, physical and emotional health and well-being. For example, start your day by noting 3 things you are grateful for to start the day on a positive note, training your brain to acknowledge the good in your life.
Meditation. A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Through the process of meditation, we can curb our mind wandering and just be in the present moment. Meditation also has a host of other positive benefits. For instance, it can increase our mood, and it can do so in just a couple of weeks. It also decreases our stress and boost our well-being. If you are new to meditation, just try it out. Do it for about five minutes a day, perhaps with an assistance of a guided meditation to help you get started.
The Bottom Line
Although we oftentimes think so, happiness is not a destination, but rather a journey that unfolds every day, supported by healthy choices, mindfulness practices to help us see the goodness and abundance in our lives and savor it, as well as loving community, acts of kindness and invaluable experiences with people we love and care about. Happiness is a choice and a way of life available to us all, if only we choose to embody it.