The Type Of Love We Need Most In Our Lives
February is the month of love, and while we embrace and celebrate love in all its shapes and forms, let’s not forget one specific type of it that we oftentimes neglect: self-love.
Perhaps it is the intangible nature and fluid concept of self-love that makes it difficult for us to truly embody it in our day-to-day lives, or perhaps it is because we never really were encouraged to learn about it and what it means growing up. Nevertheless, (more and more I personally realize) self-love forms the cornerstone of our well-being, quality of our lives and, interestingly, our relationships with the people around us.
What Is Self-Love Really?
To begin with, what is self-love really? Many of us think that just as in the case with a romantic type of love, it has to be a certain feeling of tenderness and warmth and likeness towards ourselves. However, while that definitely would not hurt to add to the concept and practice of self-love, its origin is slightly different than we may think.
Loving ourselves is an approach, it is a verb. May I even dare to suggest that it is a job. The number one job we had, have and always will have. Now, this is how Matthew Hussey, the world-renowned love and dating expert breaks down the concept of self-love:
“Imagine for a moment that at the beginning of your life you were given a human. And you were told that from now on you have one job. For the rest of your life you have to take care of this human.
Most of us have not realized that this is our job. We finish our parenting, we go out into the world and we start looking for someone else to show up for us. But the truth is: we are our human.
The only person who is truly here to take care of you - is you. You are in your custody”.
How Do We Embody Self-Love In Our Lives?
The most important question probably is: well, how do we actually do it? How do we put self-love to practice in our everyday lives?
To help guide you to uncover your answer, when you wake up in the morning, ask yourself: what would I do today if I was taking good care of my human?
The answer will most likely be completely different to what we do most days, when we beat ourselves up, neglect our needs, put ourselves around unhealthy people and talk unkindly to ourselves. And that might just be the food for thought we need to start showing up for ourselves differently.
The Bottom Line
You see, self-love is not something to be earned as a reward (like most of us often feel) if we perform well at work, achieve our goals or accomplish something amazing. Actually, on the days when we are not all these virtuous things, we need love the most, and these are the days when self-compassion matters the most. Nor is it based on the same feelings as romantic love.
Self-love is a series of proactive actions you take every day to help yourself feel good in your body, mind and soul, to protect and honor your worth and your needs, to show up for yourself when life takes an unexpected turn, to comfort and support yourself - just like you would do, if you were taking care of a child.
So how can you take good care of your human today?